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When kindness is misunderstood.
Building healthy relationships in the company without giving up on oneself.
Many know me for my work as a Revenue Manager, always focused on numbers, strategies, and performance. But few know that for a few years I have also been alongside this path another fundamental part of my work: Life and Executive Coaching. An activity that stems from a deep interest in people, their potential, and everything that happens “behind the scenes” of business: emotions, relationships, conflicts, silences, but above all for my desire to grow more and more as a person and as a professional.
And it is precisely for this reason that today I want to share an experience that I have personally experienced and that made me reflect a lot.
During a particularly intense period, I found myself absorbing — in silence — the anger, fatigue, and frustration of a colleague, of a person dear to me. Not through a direct confrontation, but through a dynamic that many know well: when you are the person who &ldquo>always understands”, the one who &ldquo>never gets angry”, it becomes all too easy for others to dump emotions they cannot manage onto you.
And there I understood something important: boundless kindness is not a virtue, it is a danger. And believe me, this thought is not so trivial but is a true paradox of kindness.
Being present, empathetic, available: these are precious qualities. But when they are not accompanied by awareness and assertiveness, they risk becoming an emotional cage.
Who is “the good one in the group” often ends up being the emotional container for others. And this, over time, wears you down.
Not only you, but also the relationships themselves, which lose balance and mutual respect. When someone starts to take you for granted, or worse, to vent on you because “you always understand”, it is no longer kindness: it is a lack of boundaries.
You may not believe it, but I took time to understand it while licking the wounds I had inflicted on myself.
What I have learned (and what we can or you can do)
Not to create conflict, but to restore respect.
Speaking the truth with respect is leadership even if you are not understood immediately, it will take time.
You can be there, without losing yourself.
A mature team is built even (and especially) in difficult moments. But often you have to fight to have dialogue.
Growing professionally also means learning to be in conflict without giving up on oneself.
In summary:
Working well also means relating well.
And relating well requires courage: the courage to say no when necessary, to enforce your own spaces, to choose the truth even when it is uncomfortable.
Mindful kindness is a silent but unstoppable force. It is not a weakness: it is the foundation on which to build a fairer company (and world).
If you have found yourself or are finding yourself in this situation, know that you are not alone.
And learning to protect oneself is one of the greatest acts of leadership you can perform.
See you next time,
Massimo Diodato
And it is precisely for this reason that today I want to share an experience that I have personally experienced and that made me reflect a lot.
During a particularly intense period, I found myself absorbing — in silence — the anger, fatigue, and frustration of a colleague, of a person dear to me. Not through a direct confrontation, but through a dynamic that many know well: when you are the person who &ldquo>always understands”, the one who &ldquo>never gets angry”, it becomes all too easy for others to dump emotions they cannot manage onto you.
And there I understood something important: boundless kindness is not a virtue, it is a danger. And believe me, this thought is not so trivial but is a true paradox of kindness.
Being present, empathetic, available: these are precious qualities. But when they are not accompanied by awareness and assertiveness, they risk becoming an emotional cage.
Who is “the good one in the group” often ends up being the emotional container for others. And this, over time, wears you down.
Not only you, but also the relationships themselves, which lose balance and mutual respect. When someone starts to take you for granted, or worse, to vent on you because “you always understand”, it is no longer kindness: it is a lack of boundaries.
You may not believe it, but I took time to understand it while licking the wounds I had inflicted on myself.
What I have learned (and what we can or you can do)
- Train the awareness of your own limits
- Speak with assertiveness
Not to create conflict, but to restore respect.
Speaking the truth with respect is leadership even if you are not understood immediately, it will take time.
- Do not take on others' emotions
You can be there, without losing yourself.
- Transform confrontation into an opportunity for growth
A mature team is built even (and especially) in difficult moments. But often you have to fight to have dialogue.
Growing professionally also means learning to be in conflict without giving up on oneself.
- Being available does not mean being weak.
- Being understanding does not mean being invisible.
- Being good does not mean accepting everything.
In summary:
Working well also means relating well.
And relating well requires courage: the courage to say no when necessary, to enforce your own spaces, to choose the truth even when it is uncomfortable.
Mindful kindness is a silent but unstoppable force. It is not a weakness: it is the foundation on which to build a fairer company (and world).
If you have found yourself or are finding yourself in this situation, know that you are not alone.
And learning to protect oneself is one of the greatest acts of leadership you can perform.
See you next time,
Massimo Diodato